Parenting: Your way …My way … Which way? – Part 2

In this concluding post on parenting, I have tried to highlight the importance of why parents need to be aware of their child’s unique needs and demands as they grow both physically and mentally.

Irrespective of race, creed, caste and religion, the children across the globe primarily understand only two languages – Love and Anger, which are the only form of energies, any child is born with.

When a child is fascinated by playing with an object that excites him, he is fully engrossed. But the moment you take this object away from him, the child gets irritated and tries to snatch it back. In turn, the child gets annoyed and sometimes hostile. That’s the expression of anger.

On the other hand, if we provide some more options of fascinations to play around, the child’s reactions vary. The child exhibit abundance joy and exuberance with what they like to play and gets fully occupied in their own world while ignoring the rest. That’s the expression of love.

As the child starts growing up, people around him start imparting various kinds of information and teachings to the child that may include how to behave, what are good manners and what is right, what is wrong etc.

We as parents also thrust upon our own beliefs and understandings to children based on our past experiences. In fact, even push the thought of becoming someone in life setting him our goals and targets that we often failed to achieve.

“Don’t get angry”, “Stop crying”, “Respect elders”, “Don’t do this, else…”, “Don’t do that, otherwise……”, etc are most common sentence we as adults pronounce to them on daily basis.

Now, imagine a child, who is spontaneous to his reactions with his pure mind is gradually getting corrupted with many things that are propelled with biased ideas which may not often be universally true and even worthwhile.

Result – a differentiation is created in the mind of the child such as what is good and what is bad or what is correct and what is not. The child is obligated to adhere to the teachings imparted to him with some fear and insecurity instilled all the time.

The matter doesn’t end here.

The child who desired love all the time and wanted to play endlessly is now forced to attend school in the name of discipline with burdened mind with the goal of accomplishing something great in life.

When the child attends the school, he is devoid of his freedom and his fun loving activities which otherwise kept engrossed at home. The child is confused and feels miserable because he does not get any love from the teachers at school, unlike his mother at home. Emotions such as disappointment, pity, sympathy crept in and the child becomes more sentimental and emotional.

It is this suppression of love that begets the most grievous results quite early in some kids.

Also, on several occasions, the child’s anger too keeps getting suppressed.

The child likes to play and indulge in mischief but he does not get an opportunity to do so. The child who initially lived in complete freedom is compelled to have a restrained life not just at school but even at home. The result, he gets angry but is not allowed to express. This suppressed anger gradually gets converted into emotions such as anxiety, distress, fear, jealousy etc.

There are even more challenges when the child is growing, especially in pre-teens and teens where such suppressed emotions get released in various behavioral forms often not liked by parents. The result, an ongoing tussle between the child and parents.

The question is, how to deal with the child in their growth stages?

Well, the answer lies in understanding the child and getting aware of different aspects of parenting.

Thankfully, there are various tools and processes available now to factually understand your child.

DMIT, Psychometric tests, and some other tools are very helpful for parents. Experienced Psychologists and counselors @ Eduwalkers will help you in making your parenting journey positive, healthy and progressive.

Anand Kumbhare

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